


Unconventional Incompetency

by angelheartbeat



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Angel and Demon AU, Angels, Child Abuse, Demons, F/M, Guardian Angel, Slow Burn, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-26 07:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12054045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheartbeat/pseuds/angelheartbeat
Summary: If you're looking for a scary demon, David is not what you're looking for.But if you're looking for a grumpy angel, look no further than Gwen.Being paired up to respectively terrorise and look after the worlds most pessimistic ten year old didnt even seem like a good idea in theory.And yet here they were.





	Unconventional Incompetency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont think there's been any fics with this sort of premise in them, or at least I haven't found any, so thats an achievement, I guess?
> 
> Enjoy if you wanna

If you're looking for a scary demon, David is not what you're looking for. 

As demons go, he was possibly as far away from  _scary_ on the scale as one could get, i.e. not scary in the least. He had the fangs, he had the wings, he had the tail and the horns and the black soulless eyes, but he just didnt have the disposition to be truly scary. He had only been assigned to terrorise a child once in the long span of his existence, and while yes, that child had indeed died, David had also cried for a long, long time over his death, and wore his yellow camp shirt around his neck ever since. He just wasn't cut out for it. 

Of course, that didnt stop him from trying. He was constantly begging to be assigned children, but no one could be sure if he was clamouring for an assignment due to changing his ways or due to the fact that he loved kids more than any demon had a right to - although everyone had suspicions that it was the latter, considering the fact that David used hellfire to bake cookies, wore the uniform of an Earth camp and daydreamed about forests. He was hardly a demon at all, save for looks.

But he  _tried,_ and that tugged at what little decency the higher-ups had, and maybe they could just assign him one little case? An easy one. A child already so hating of the world and everything in it that even  _David_ would seem like the worlds most terrifying creature, or at the very least the world's most obnoxious. Just so long as he didn't do anything ridiculous like try to cheer the child up, they reasoned, and David had agreed to all their terms with his fingers crossed - something Jasper had taught him meant you were lying, and that just made it double the lying.

It wasn't really like he wanted to lie all that badly, he just desperately wanted a kid he could look after and cheer up and make happy because he cared far too much for his own good and it really would get him exiled one of these days, but no matter. He was assigned the case, a ten year old named Max who was presumably so grumpy and pessimistic that even he couldn't fuck this up, although he himself would put it in less crude language than that.

Above all, he was excited. He could finally meet new people, look after a child - secretly, of course, he would have to make it appear as though he was terrorising him, and he winced at the thought - and see more of Earth, all the forests and lakes and waterfalls he fell in love with when assigned to Jasper and hadn't seen since that went south.

It was all perfect, until he was told that Max would have a guardian angel to oppose him, and everything plummeted hellbound.

* * *

If you're looking for a grumpy angel, look no further than Gwen.

There's not a single angel in heaven that hates their job more than she does - playing mommy to a bunch of snot-nosed, ungrateful little shits was not exactly her idea of a God-blessed existence, and if it wasn't for immortality, the long fall from heaven to Earth would look awfully tempting.

Every kid she was assigned to was already too perfect to get into any trouble at all, and it pissed her off beyond belief. If they insisted on shoving her into assignments they could at least give her interesting ones, rather than whiny spoilt brats or the worlds most boring little angels. Her friends often joked maybe she was a demon in disguise - a very good disguise, considering she had the obnoxious feathery monstrosities they called wings on her shoulder blades and a much heavier, more angelic, massive onion ring floating above her head. 

She just wasn't cut out for angel work - the constant looking after of little kids, the little to no relaxation time, and holy fuck the amount of paperwork she had to do should be illegal, or at least she thought so. All she wanted to do was settle down with some Earth magazines - one of her rare interesting assignments had shown her some magazines and TV and gotten her hooked, at least before the girl got hit by a car (and boy had Gwen gotten a verbal lashing for that one - too bad she had been too busy reading the fucking magazines to watch over her kid) - and relax, but nope. Yet another case she was being assigned.

Although, this kid didnt seem like the world's worst little brat. Ten year olds were always hell, but this one - Max, she read - had  _impossibly pessimistic_ scribbled in the file that was handed to her, and she could probably work with that. But still - she hated everything about her job and one maybe-decent kid wasn't exactly going to change that for her. Why the fuck did she have to be a guardian angel of all things?

It was all shitty, until she was told that Max would have a demon terrorising him as well, and things started looking up.

* * *

The journey up from Hell was a short, speedy one, and David couldn't be more pleased. He was ready to feel the wind on his face again, feel the sun warm his skin and scales and stretch his wings in the forests, and oh how he missed the forests. Due to incompetency he wasn't even allowed to visit Earth without an assignment, and he had longed for the day he felt sunshine rather than hellfire ever since Jasper had died and he had returned home a sobbing wreck. 

Honestly he would rather not have an angel opposing him, who would likely treat him like they would treat any demon - like scum on the heels of their angelic boots - and assume he was there to bring a little piece of hell to this kid, but given that there  _would_ be an angel, and nothing he could do about it, he wanted to at least make the right impression. So, naturally, he had a batch of rockbomb cookies fresh from the hellfire oven back home, all wrapped up neatly and ready to present to whomever it may concern. Who knew, maybe Max would appreciate one - but then again, of the mortals only Max could currently see him, and it might look a little odd if he was seen accepting cookies from thin air.

When he arrived at the home of his new assignment, the first in centuries, he was thoroughly disappointed, although not planning to show it. There wasn't a tree in sight, just grey block after grey block of washed-out apartments and cars spurting black fumes, and if David had human lungs he would likely have broken down coughing from the sheer amount of pollution he could sense. 

It felt a tad rude, not knocking, but then again if anyone other than Max answered the door, its not like they would be able to see him, so he just focused and flew on through, glancing around him in the shabby apartment. It was decorated minimally, to say the least, and oddly enough he couldn't spot a single photo of Max anywhere. There seemed to be very few photos at all, in truth. And to go along with the lack of photos, there also seemed to be a lack of parents, and for a while appeared to be a lack of Max, but he could sense that Max was nearby - the assignments required a contract, which required a bond to allow the demon to sense their child nearby, and David planned to use it extensively.

David could sense Max somewhere in the apartment, and although it took a while and a lot of what could be considered snooping, but he liked to think of it as something less shifty - research? perhaps - he eventually found the child huddled up in the corner of a tiny bed, hood pulled right over his head. Suddenly unsure of how to proceed, David shifted from foot to foot a little, before backing out of the room and deciding to create a plan of action.

He didn't get far, though, because the moment he stepped outside he was slammed against a wall, an arm against his throat, and he let out an inadvertent squeaking scream, before a hand was clapped over his mouth.

"Are you the demon sent for this kid?" his attacker asked, and with wide eyes, David nodded. He was immediately released from the wall, stumbling a little, and blinked, taking in the appearance of the figure in front of him. They were an angel, he could tell that by the heavenly glow, giant wings and floating halo, but they were also dressed fairly unconventionally - short shorts, a tucked in t-shirt and boots to their knees. He was certain angels usually wore crystal white robes down to the floor, but that could be him being old-fashioned and also having never really met an angel before.

"Yep! Th-Thats me!" he squeaked out, rubbing his throat a little. The angel sighed and folded their arms.

"Look, I'm not interested in any rivalries or whatever. I'm not even interested in this fucking assignment. I hate my job, so if you can just go ahead and get this kid killed already that'd be great," they said, already turning to leave, and David felt his throat constrict with the need to say something.

"Wait! You've got it all wrong!"

"What."

Leaning in conspiratorially, David let his face settle into its usual mile-wide grin, doing his best to hide the fangs and appear non-threatening. "I'm not planning to terrorise anyone! I love kids! I'm actually here to help, well, I mean, I was assigned to the child to get him scared or killed or whatever we're supposed to do, I never paid attention, and I, well, I was sort of hoping we could work together to keep Max safe? I brought cookies! I'm David, by the way!"

He proffered the cookies he had dug out during his explanation, and the angel seemed to be at a loss for words. The silence was getting awkward as the angels eyes flicked from David's face to the cookies and back up.

"What the  _fuck?_ "

* * *

To be perfectly truthful, Gwen had a raging headache, and the trip to Earth was awful. She wasn't in the least looking forward to it, but once she had the assignment there was nothing she could really do besides reluctantly give in and fly down to Earth, albeit grumbling most of the way.

On the other hand, the assignment would give her a chance to pick up some new earth magazines and DVDs, even if the method of acquiring them she was planning to use was usually referred to as stealing. It wasn't like anyone besides Max would be able to see her, anyway - and if he bothered snitching (thats if he even knew) they'd just chalk it up to overactive kiddie imaginations.

The apartment was empty as she entered, or at least it was before she spotted someone who was clearly the demon leaving one of the rooms, and acted on instinct, darting forward to catch him before he went up in flames or however demons got around so fast.

As they were talking, though, she was starting to doubt she had even caught the demon at all. He was offering her cookies, and asking to work together? The facts didnt add up. All the demons she'd met - and rivalled - in the past were awful, shitty personalities who did their fucking jobs, and did them right.

"I know I'm not exactly your, uh, conventional demon?" he blustered - David blustered (and in any case what the hell kind of name was  _David_ for a demon?) - and she raised an eyebrow. "But, uh, I really hope we can work together! I had to lie... a lot... to get this assignment. So I'm planning to do my best!"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Gwen turned away slightly and mumbled to herself. "Unbelievable."

"Uh? What is?"

"Fine, whatever, you can take the assignment alone, keep him safe. You won't need me for that."

"Wait!"

"What  _now?"_

"I.. I can't do that! They'd notice, I'd be exiled!"

"With your personality, I'm surprised it hasn't happened already," Gwen said dryly, folding her arms and staring him down. David shifted slightly uncomfortably under her purple-eyed gaze.

"Well, I suppose, but I-"

They were interrupted by the sound of the bedroom door opening, both of them freezing and both sets of wings flaring out, instincts getting them ready to instantly spring away at the sudden noise, but they were met with simply their short child charge opening his bedroom door and freezing instantly upon spotting the two clearly inhuman figures stood outside his bedroom. None of them moved a muscle.

Eventually, Max spoke, voice hoarse and trembling with barely-concealed fear. "Who the fuck are you?"

Neither Gwen nor David moved, glancing at one another and eventually slowly closing up their wings, before each taking a step, forwards in David's case and back in Gwen's. Max looked ready to bolt, eyes narrowed and hand still on the doorknob.

Clearing his throat, David put on his least threatening smile and extended his hand. "Hey there, Max! We're, uh, we're your guardian angels?"

Gwen rolled her eyes, and Max looked utterly unconvinced - she didn't blame him. "No, you're some kind of freaks in my house, and I want you out, fucking now." he snapped, the hand not on the doorknob shaking slightly. 

"Trust me, I'd be perfectly happy to, but no can do, kid," Gwen sighed, stepping forward and pulling David back by his shoulder. "I'm actually your sole guardian angel, if you couldn't tell by the wings and hugeass fucking halo, and this overenthusiastic jackass is the demon sent to make you hate life and everything in it."

Max didn't look impressed, but he did carefully take his hand off the doorknob. "Jokes on you, dipshit, I already hate life and everything in it." David wilted slightly, the cookies in his hands long forgotten. "So, what, there's no way I can get rid of you weirdos? Because people are going to think I'm fucking insane for talking to two freaks in badly made costumes with the worlds shittiest excuse."

 _Man, this kid really is jaded,_ Gwen thought, running a hand through her hair. "No one but you can see us. Its kinda the whole point of the assigned angel and demon thing."

"Oh, great, so I'm talking to thin air right now. Maybe I actually  _am_ fucking insane. So you're like the little shitty angel and devil on my shoulders, or what?"

"I guess? Look, kid, just.." Gwen groaned, putting her head in her hands. David cleared his throat nervously.

"Hi Max!" he said brightly, earning a louder groan from Gwen. "Now, while I may technically be the demon assigned to you, by gosh I'm nothing like the others! I'm here to help you! So, really, you've got two guardian angels! Isnt that exciting?"

Max just stared at him, accompanied by Gwen muttering foul curses he was sure angels wouldnt be allowed to say. Eventually Max pushed past him, mumbling something about  _fucking ridiculous_ and  _the worlds shittiest, most obnoxious demon._ Gwen scowled at David before turning to follow Max along the hall into the kitchen.

"W-where are you going?" David faltered, and Gwen gave him a withering look. 

"To make sure our kid doesn't kill himself after that thoroughly uninspiring speech. Fix your attitude," she remarked, before rolling her eyes and floating down the hall effortlessly.

David stared after the two of them, nonexistent heart dropping. This would be harder than he anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a load a hooey


End file.
